HULLO AMIGOS! It is I, Albert Hermann, the world's most famous SOUP BARON!
Aren't you tired of the same old gloopy ways of eating the same soup-like soup? Shoving in spoonfuls of tepid tomato solution predictably down your gobhole as a few splutters drip-drip-dribble down your bewildered chin? Surely, there must be MORE TO SOUP than this?
Well, there is, you nincompoop! That's what I'm trying to tell you!
Over the many years of my life, as you well know (or ought to- where've you been?), I Albert Hermann have made it my mission to show you all the fantabulous wonders soup has to offer. Soup is not just a simple food, it is a source of constant natural beauty, endlessly malleable in a multitude of shapes and intricate formations. Ah, but a plate of soup is as bright and awe-inspiring as the constellations themselves!
Here at BARON HERMANN'S SOUP UTOPIA, the mind-boggling possibilities of soup application have become reality! Yes! Come sail on our swirling soupy river, the MISSISSOUPPY! Hurtle down the echo-reverberating levels of the MINESTRONE MINES! There are POT NOODLE CHANDELIERS, LENTIL PTERODACTYLS, and much much more, which I am saving until later because telling you everything would be a catastrophic marketing decision!
There are all kinds of soups, for all kinds of soup lovers! Solid soup, vapour soup, zero-gravity soup, curly soup, deep fried soup, soup in the shape of a massive walnut! We have soup all the colours of the rainbow! And some, colours not even discovered yet, such as magentquoise, yellmerald amberange, and scurple!
Basically, lots of soups! Geez!
And I am bringing all this grandiosity to YOU, yes, YOU reading this now, with your boring ways of thinking about soupy dinners, blind to its ability to open the gates of imagination! Your logic has enslaved soup, when soup desires to be free!
Aren't you tired of the same old gloopy ways of eating the same soup-like soup? Shoving in spoonfuls of tepid tomato solution predictably down your gobhole as a few splutters drip-drip-dribble down your bewildered chin? Surely, there must be MORE TO SOUP than this?
Well, there is, you nincompoop! That's what I'm trying to tell you!
Over the many years of my life, as you well know (or ought to- where've you been?), I Albert Hermann have made it my mission to show you all the fantabulous wonders soup has to offer. Soup is not just a simple food, it is a source of constant natural beauty, endlessly malleable in a multitude of shapes and intricate formations. Ah, but a plate of soup is as bright and awe-inspiring as the constellations themselves!
Here at BARON HERMANN'S SOUP UTOPIA, the mind-boggling possibilities of soup application have become reality! Yes! Come sail on our swirling soupy river, the MISSISSOUPPY! Hurtle down the echo-reverberating levels of the MINESTRONE MINES! There are POT NOODLE CHANDELIERS, LENTIL PTERODACTYLS, and much much more, which I am saving until later because telling you everything would be a catastrophic marketing decision!
There are all kinds of soups, for all kinds of soup lovers! Solid soup, vapour soup, zero-gravity soup, curly soup, deep fried soup, soup in the shape of a massive walnut! We have soup all the colours of the rainbow! And some, colours not even discovered yet, such as magentquoise, yellmerald amberange, and scurple!
Basically, lots of soups! Geez!
And I am bringing all this grandiosity to YOU, yes, YOU reading this now, with your boring ways of thinking about soupy dinners, blind to its ability to open the gates of imagination! Your logic has enslaved soup, when soup desires to be free!
Won't you liberate soup? Won't you let it roam in its natural habitat (before eating it, of course)? COME and see SOUP in ALL ITS GLORY!
ONLY AT BARON HERMANN'S SOUP UTOPIA!
Located in the Isle of Beaver, seriously, you can't miss it.
ONLY AT BARON HERMANN'S SOUP UTOPIA!
Located in the Isle of Beaver, seriously, you can't miss it.
